Dad, early birthday.
Dad and Taffy

Dad (seated) aboard ship.

I’m having a difficult time this Christmas. It’s like going through menopause again: sadness, hysteria, anger, bursting into tears for no reason… I was sad when my adoptive parents passed, but losing my father is something completely different. And I only had him for three years! (Here comes the anger again.)

Thought it was getting better but it’s worse. Maybe after Christmas?

Many years ago after a breakup I was gifted the book “How to Survive the Loss of a Love”. It helped immensely and found it was good for other losses as well. Just ordered a new copy.

6 thoughts on “Surviving

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  1. Reblogged this on Zero Lift-Off and commented:

    Hi Pam! Beautiful photos! I’m sorry to hear about the sorrow and it’s always tougher to cope with the emotions around the special holidays; being here without them! I even get that way not just over missing my beloved family members but even my dogs! I think it comes down to we are here and have to face this world day in and day out but getting more lonely at times because we lose more of our most precious blessed relationships that we in a sense our world when we look back, but none of this continues on in perpetuity! I get that feeling like I’m so much more isolated and having to face so much like i would no matter what anyway but to not have those special people close by makes it seem so had to see he good in my own still being here! Then I snap out of it because I’ve always been an ultimately positive person or the true eternal optimist! I always see the glass half full and figure I’m still here for better reasons than I can come up with at times but that is where my faith in Jesus Christ is the overwhelming drive in me because I do totally believe in Him! I know from experiences that he won’t ever disappoint me but I have to do whatever I’m required to do, and even if I were totally alone, I would make myself do it never quitting!

    A friend I used to work with who studied to be a priest then God gave him an epiphany that he was to go onto a different path which ultimately was good for many reasons I’m sure but for me because I would not have met this man and had the opportunity to sit during lunch hours for some years talking about these kinds of things and so many important topics! This man was very well read and deep like me but I tend to be a more emotional and overly sensitive at times sort of guy; I cry like a baby watching some movies; say like The Passion of the Christ! I sob like you wouldn’t’ believe for a grown man to get so bent out of shape watching a movie but some things trigger so much in me that needs to come out! Crying is good I think not just as a catharsis long as I can get out that release of emotion because it’s one of the deepest genuine emotions that makes me a human being and also painfully aware of our dilemma of being fallen which is terribly sad and broken all really damned to hell for eternity if not for what Jesus Christ our merciful God Almighty did and is doing to give His children a golden opportunity to be individuals unique and free minds but all aligning with Him because we want to and that is the greatest true expression of love back to our God loving him totally with all of our being because we want to as He loves us. And then in seeing this I can say OK thank you God and now I have my things to do and I’m fine; help me Lord to do your will I really want to do it and I’m ready to keep trying!

    This friend one day was alone in the lunch room finishing our lunch and others had left already when I got to show how upset I was about losing my oldest dog the one I had gotten as an adult and my first since when I was a boy. I said I have to see her again and I can’t stand this because I miss her too much and God I wish I could just see her again now! Do you know what this finely educated and very Christian man said! Back then and now I see it was the best thing; he said you’re being selfish that dog was not yours just like none of your loved ones are yours! They all belong to God and you should be thankful God blessed you with them for the time you had together with them! You just don’t want to let go and you’re being possessive! OH MY GOD, he woke me up and now even years later I see how true that is I get so selfish and don’t turn it over to God and say, OK Lord, I’m here and they are not so I have to trust you to make things right again someday so you are testing my faith and I can handle this! I’m crying now saying this here because it’s all true and I can’t be like that I have to say for a while I’m very sad and missing my dog or family members that are not here but I do trust you Lord and I’m happy, really I am inside my heart they still live with me because you are in my heart Jesus, and this is all that matters because I do believe in you and I can see them all again someday when You decide; so just help me Lord to carry on and do the Father’s will for me while I’m still on earth!

    A priest I used to know as a friend who ended up dying of cancer after I had only known him for several years told me after he lost his dog and he got the way I felt, and his dog had the same name as mine too. He said he was at the vets when his dog with cancer had to be euthanized, and he wept then the vet told him that the best thing to do when you feel ready and the sooner the better is find another dog that needs such a kind loving person like you to give it a forever home! He did that and it was like magical how he ended up with Abbey who when he went to a shelter she got out of the hands of the technician down the other end of the kennel and ran right to the priest and jumped up on him making him fall on the floor and she was licking him all over his face; so guess who got a home and who was so joyful; both were, the dog called Abbey and the priest; and he had gone to two other kennels with no success and the third was the charm!

    Look Pam I’m nobody really as I see it, and I’m good with that because this world is tough and so many people are fooling themselves thinking they have it all and have some giant grip on life and pleasures; having so much in this material world but they are the losers in the end; they fool themselves while others are scrambling around trying to get the same they have and be famous or whatever; it’s a poison! The meek inherit the earth and I think that means to me anyway, that the more humble we are the more we are fulfilled and see God at work in our lives assuring us daily that we don’t need anything but what He sees fit for each of us, but when we reject that and go it alone like so many do they are heading toward misery and maybe much worse! Taking this life one day at a time and just appreciating all those simple free things in life like you have in your gardening or with your cute dogs and of course with your husband are worth way more than millions of dollars and there is no price tag that is enough as I see it to take those things away from me, I love just feeding the birds and squirrels or other animals that show up; and just hugging my dog that I rescued years ago by showing up when the order was already signed sealed and delivered for her to be terminated the following morning first thing. I showed up by a God Send and they don’t reverse those euthanize orders ever, but in this case I got this dog a reprieve from the chief of police overnight; unheard of and she was deemed UN-adoptable, now 16 years later still getting a life with the one person she has ever really gotten to know inside and out basically, my emotions and silliness!

    We are only here a short time and where we are going is permanent and never ending so our job as I see it is to learn and do the darn best we can to improve, to be Strong in our Trust and Faith in Him our Savior! He has us all covered if we just listen to Him and do the Father’s will to our best ability, and that is fine, we are fallen so none of us is perfect or capable of more, but we have to mean it and really try is all! Don’t worry we are going to see all of our cherished ones again down the road, they will be waiting for us and then we will rejoice with them and all of the angels in heaven forever with God! It’s all good in the end isn’t that what matters most! Hang in there!

    Pam, in case you might have some time today or soon, I think some of the things I point out here are very helpful to me and I believe they can be for you also! Either way I send my blessings and prayers to you!

    God bless you!
    Brother in Christ Jesus,

    Liked by 1 person

  2. BTW Pam! What an adorable Dad you have as a boy and the man such a wonderful human being and the baby boy with his puppy oh my God I want to cry and do get teary eyed, just so picture perfect and I see why you feel the way you do, honest I get it! I’m a very sentimental and an extremely sensitive person! That was one reason when I was in LA many moons ago I thought right, how I had some ability, and others did too; that I could be a good talent in front of the camera instead of behind it! But I’m glad I pulled the plug on that idea because of my being so overly sensitive, that business would have chewed me up and spit me out! I did what God wanted me to do I got a taste and said no thanks! Then I went on to serve God in other ways, even helped my Dad, Mom and family over the years.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you Pam! Same to you also, I can tell you made the best decisions too! By the way if you can find a few minutes to do me a favor and check Surviving again I really was in a huge rush yesterday when I wrote that but felt even though I didn’t have the time at that point I was so inspired to do it then; making a slew of typos and then guess what! The mistake turned out to be a blessing in disguise that got me working on it again today when I could take some time, and wallah, now it’s just right and has a very important message you should read and see! I’m happy with it and I hope you are most of all; because it’s all for you!
        God bless you and yours!

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Yes it is; and will be more as time goes on! Trust Jesus, He is there and is going to make it all anew and perfect when the time comes! He knows every bit in our hearts and exactly what we need! Amen.
            I will be around later, but again I’m off to the race! Have a lovely morning!
            And thank you for bringing this out when you did Pam; for Christmas! Perfect timing!

            Liked by 1 person

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