Tag: Navel gazing

Voices

I hear voices; the murmurs of experience in my head when push comes to shove.

When taking a pill I always hear my Mom say “It’s good for you!” which enables me to swallow. For some odd reason. (Yes, I’m 60 years old!)

When I’m sick I drink plenty of fluids because I hear my friend Bonna say “Drink fluids! Hydrate!” She never put up with my bullshit and I believe she’s such a good mother now because she had to half-raise me.

And I hear my sister-in-law when my gut is bloated and gassy at 3:00am. “Don’t you have any Gas-X?” My internal reply is invariably YES to her answer “WELL??” 

TMI? Here’s more. Bloated and gassy used to be my normal routine. That and miserable diarrhea. THEN I remembered my doctor’s mantra – “Get rid of GMO’s and Gluten”

So one month ago I cut gluten and lactose out of my life. Surgically removed them, more like. It was difficult; I dreamed about donuts for two weeks.

But the first day -well, the day after I started- I felt 1,000% better. I know, but the difference between totally miserable and totally wonderful is so far apart. I was me again! All my energy was back!! My stomach went flat and I could digest again! Over TEN pounds fell off the first week!

And I tested negative for celiac disease.

The internist talked to me for five minutes and proclaimed “You have IBS”. No, I don’t. I may have felt like it for a time, but he can take that crap down the road. There are people out there who really suffer from it and I’m sure they don’t appreciate it being some sort of catch-all just because Dr. Do-Little doesn’t give a shit.

So, hearing voices might be a crazy thing to do, but I’m not giving up on them any time soon. I may even add some. 😉

Shine

I was born in California, but my father (from Texas) and mother (from Oklahoma) uprooted the family just after I’d turned seven. We were one of the tumbleweeds rolling southeast on I10 in 1964, complete with a Dachshund named Blacky. Perhaps you saw us blowing through New Mexico, ’53 Chrysler station wagon pulling a cute little camper?

Guess they relocated for the same reasons as other people – be closer to family, maybe have a better life? Instead of renting a nice house in La Puente, they bought a run down shot gun shack in Conroe – but it came with land.  They had friends and frequently threw parties in California, but all that changed after we moved. I don’t know why. Children don’t think about those things until it’s too late to ask the reasons. Or maybe that’s just me.

I missed those parties, because they always let me stay up to partake of the festivities. I don’t know if my brother still has them, but there were reel-to-tapes of the fun. I always think of them while listening to Dave Brubeck. My favorite people were always there; Irene and Nadine, the lesbians who gave the best gifts… and the Mexican woman who lived on the next street… whose name escapes me.. that wonderful lady cobbled together the best meals of anyone, anywhere.

So now you know: It’s all about the gifts and food.

Well, poo. This is not about my family. I only started with the move because that’s how I came to live in Texas, about 40 miles north of Houston. That’s where, in second grade, I met one of my best friends.

Her name was Gwen and she and I struck up an instant friendship, as little girls are wont to do. We chased boys on the playground, ate honeysuckle off the vines on the fence and often had sleepovers at each other’s homes.

4th Grade
4th Grade First row: ‘boy’, Gwen, Pam

I went through high school with these people, yet I can only name three of them. Too much time has gone by…

Gwen… and my natural urge is to wax rhapsodic here, about her fire red hair and indomitable spirit… was just another little girl of course, but she and I went through much together. The highs and lows of growing up.

She dropped out of high school in our sophomore year and I saw less and less of the still red hair. I heard things, but discounted any rumor I couldn’t substantiate.. but it was distressing.

I went my way and she went hers. Hers included drugs and motorcycle gangs while my way was all about school and jobs. She did get clean, years later, but the hard living had taken a toll on her health.

I went to Texas in November 2005, right before my mom passed. My brother took this picture of us. I’m on the left. Of course our hair isn’t light blonde and fiery red anymore.

pandgn

Almost immediately after this, her first foot had to be taken off. Then the second.  It’s been such a horrible, pain-filled life since… in and out of hospitals, almost dead several times… until she passed recently on February 20th.  I miss her.

I hope she’s running through a vast, lush playground, tasting honeysuckle and chasing boys…

OH, people called her ‘Shine’ later in life, but she’ll always be Gwennie to me.

Blackout

car

I’m on a social media blackout for Lent, so here is Mike’s little car, taken with my phone, through the front window.

It’s our dry season, so I’ve been working in the yard. Just cleaned this mess up:

0885

 

Needed a palate cleanser. Anything would do, really.

Yesterday

Yesterday, while a sick fuck murdered 17 kids a few miles away at MSD High, I was taking a break from working in the yard.

The Sims is my current game of choice and in that make believe world Katy was busy trying to teach her Corgi Penny to fetch.

penny

It’s not going well.

Nobody older than 50 ‘gets’ this: shooting your classmates with an AR-15.  When we were young (yeah, I’m going there) guns of all kinds were readily available. The boys driving trucks had gun racks with deer rifles clearly displayed and nobody thought anything of it because guns are tools. Period.  Our parents taught us how to shoot them, how to clean them and how to respect them, just as they did with hammers and horse tack. But I can’t remember anything like this ever happening back then.

What’s the difference in generations? Well, my sister-in-law thinks pesticides are warping young brains. Someone else blamed the ubiquitous ADD drugs, which so many kids are on, even if nothing wrong with them. “Just to make him focus at school”.

We don’t know with this evil son of a bitch yet, in general I believe Snowflake Syndrome has ruined our kids. Can’t spank them. And they’re not allowed to fail. (Everyone gets a trophy!) Or fall down. Or be bullied. Or be offended. They’ve built no fitting response to any damn thing. So when the untoward occurs when they’re older and have access to weapons?  Horror.

The answer does not lie in taking away weapons from law abiding citizens, but in a better response to mental health problems. When everything went to hell yesterday the kids knew it had to be this asshole; they knew. If everyone knew, what was he doing with weapons and why wasn’t he in treatment? Who failed? Who’s complicit?

Of course none of this will bring back those precious children. God help us.

Edited to add: Teachers ought to be able to carry concealed. Making schools a gun-free zone is the most shameful thing ever perpetuated on the American public.

And dammit, I wasn’t going to talk politics or current events on this blog.

 

Two Cakes

It’s hard to believe that Christmas is upon us once again. Gifts have been sent and received, but this year I’ve opted out of a tree.

charlie-brown-christmas-treeNo idea why. Just too lazy, probably. It’s just the man and I, so why bother? Last Christmas was overly emotional for me, so perhaps abstaining from a freshly cut fir is more about my mental health than anything else.

I would like my creche out, but again… too lazy to look for it.

Not much has happened since I wrote about the crazy people, who are luckily giving us a wide berth.

After 7 months and several ridiculous meetings, the new windows have the stamp of approval from the city. Never mind some of the sills remain broken… and one won’t open. I was just so ready to get on with it. Now we turn our attention to doors.

I’ve made two cakes within 30 days… that should say something… scream, actually… about my state of mind. Still working out, but let’s get real – there are only so many calories I can burn in one session. Plus, this lazy thing is really putting a damper on life. I’d rather be curled up in bed that anything else. And no, I don’t think I’m depressed.

So there it is: Two cakes and Christmas.

Happy Holidays.

 

Après Irma

alive
It’s alive!

Well, we survived. Again. But really, how many times can one tempt fate? I lost track of how many hurricanes I’ve been through.

I took before pictures, as one does… but no after. The pictures would come out looking like modern art that nobody understands because everything is swathed in green and brown roughage; the result of the almighty raking a giant comb over the land at great speed.

We were more ready for this storm than any other, which thankfully was not needed. Luckier than most, we were only without power for 24 hours and internet for a few days. I’d rather have power than internet, but it felt odd and I didn’t even turn my pc on til it came back up.

Kudos to the city of Margate and Broward county, both of which kept everyone updated via Twitter and Facebook.

Now… there are three other systems to keep a weather eye on… and have I mentioned that I WANT TO MOVE??