MOHS yesterday, this time on my neck. When not cursing I’m grateful for the technology the skilled doctors use to rid me of cancer.
And so it goes.
I’d intended this be titled “Love and Marriage”. Pretty trite, but upon waking at 3:00a that’s what popped into my mind. Along with: had I left the laptop bag in the back of the truck? So of course I did a somersault across Bree’s bed (which sits on the floor next to my side of the bed because that’s where she likes it) and ran into the living room to look… and of course there it sat.
And there was one of the points I’d hoped to make, illustrated. I don’t think men vault out of bed in the wee hours because something might not have been where it should – but I’ve done it innumerable times. They tend to stress about concrete things, whereas women can simultaneously worry about the concrete and the abstract. We draw things out, you see, to every logical -and illogical – conclusion. And it doesn’t even have to be about ourselves, husbands or our children. Friends, co-workers. What might be; what never will be but mightn’t it, in a perfect world?
Of course worry never changes anything and it only robs us of joy. Matthew 6:34!
This is not about worry; it’s supposed to be about marriage and the things that get you through, whether you’re conscious of them or not. Mike and I tied the knot 23 years ago at the courthouse in Homestead, Florida. Neither one of us were certain it was a good idea, but we were living together and he had a daughter in school, so. Did I love him more for the paper? Maybe. It felt different, anyway. More solid.
These are what I have come to know are needed in (my) marriage:
The first thing is respect. No, love is not the first. Love is a given. If you’re married you should love your spouse. Holding your mate in high esteem is a wholly different thing, which should come with love but sometimes doesn’t. Respect for your spouse’s abilities, personal space, dreams, family and friends is a must. If your significant other doesn’t feel your admiration, then how can there be true love?
Humility. A tough one to learn, but I think it gets easier over time. Or harder.It is simply putting others needs first. Most mothers have mastered this, at least mine did.
Gratitude. The best of these; the most powerful. It’s my crutch, my way out at the worst of times and a path to peace… but I have trouble explaining it. I am thankful, no matter what. Thankful for the chance to know and love Mike, our life together. Every day I thank God for this life. Whatever comes, I pray that I can continue to be grateful.
Lately I’ve been wondering if I’ll make it out of Florida alive.
A new biopsy just came back as Basal Cell so there’s another MOHS surgery in the near future… and they want to dig a larger hole in my left foot… on a pre-cancerous spot.
This will be my second MOHS this year. The cancers are plentiful and aggressive… how long before the big one hits?? I’ve never known anyone who had these, especially so many. This can’t be normal.
Just… thank God the spot on my foot wasn’t the big M. Thank God.
I want to cry. That’s probably an appropriate response to such news. I’ll be in my blanket fort if you need me.
Just dropping this here, because it’s a good thing to remember…
The cool kids on Facebook are doing it, so here are the three fictional characters that best sum up my character.
Ethel Mertz, ‘I Love Lucy’
Velvet Brown, ‘National Velvet’
Beatrice, ‘Much Ado About Nothing’