I’d intended this be titled “Love and Marriage”. Pretty trite, but upon awaking at 3:00a that’s what popped into my mind. Along with: was the laptop bag in the back of the truck? So of course I did a somersault across Bree’s bed (which sits on the floor next to my side of the bed because that’s where she likes it) and ran into the living room to look… and of course there it sat.

And there was one of the points I’d hoped to make, illustrated. I don’t think men vault out of bed in the wee hours because something might not have been where it should – but I’ve done it innumerable times. They tend to stress about concrete things, whereas women can simultaneously worry about the concrete and the abstract. We draw things out, you see, to every logical -and illogical – conclusion. And it doesn’t even have to be about ourselves, husbands or our children. Friends, co-workers. What might be; what never will be but mightn’t it, in a perfect world?

Of course worry never changes anything and it only robs us of joy. Matthew 6:34!

This is not about worry; it’s supposed to be about marriage and the things that get you through, whether you’re conscious of them or not. Mike and I tied the knot 23 years ago down at the courthouse down in Homestead, Florida. Neither one of us were certain it was a good idea, but we were living together and he had a daughter in school, so. Did I love him more for the paper? Maybe. It felt different, anyway. More solid.

These are what I have come to know are needed in (my) marriage:

The first thing is respect. No, love is not the first. Love is a given. If you’re married you should love your spouse.  Holding your mate in high esteem is a wholly different thing, which should come with love but sometimes doesn’t. Respect for your spouse’s abilities, personal space, dreams, family and friends is a must. If your significant other doesn’t feel your admiration, then how can there be true love?

Humility. A tough one to learn, but I think it gets easier over time. Or harder.It is simply putting others needs first. Most mothers have mastered this, at least mine did.


Gratitude. The best of these; the most powerful. It’s my crutch, my way out at the worst of times and a path to peace… but I have trouble explaining it. I am thankful, no matter what. Thankful for the chance to know and love Mike, our life together. Every day I thank God for this life. Whatever comes, I pray that I can continue to be grateful.

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