Clarity

While no one can truly love their wrinkles, infirmities and seemingly endless doctor visits… the distance age provides can be healing. I’d rather be young and firm, but peace that comes from understanding is its own reward.

To wit:

I left my horse on the farm with mom when I moved out. A few months later she’d sold the horse and all the tack.

‘Rage’ is too calm a word for the feeling I nurtured for most of my adult life. The newer saddle had taken me months of saving to buy! And my horse! (The one I hadn’t even been back to visit because I was too busy.)

What did I expect?? This old woman with rheumatoid arthritis was supposed to toddle across the pasture to the barn to feed and water the horse? Well, no feed in the summer.

She did what she had to do, what she’d done every time I looked away from some possession. Sell it or give it away. Birthday and Christmas gifts came with the understanding that I lose it and everything else if she wanted.

So I grew up not prizing things. They’re temporary. Easily taken away. I prefer a small amount of possessions, just enough to fill the smallest UHaul. A stark contrast to my hoarder husband.

Anyhoo, I forgave my mom and I hope she forgives me for being a shit about everything. Wherever she might be…