I thought this was an Onion article, but no…
Fire Up the Grill, Not the Atmosphere
FOOD is responsible for 10 to 30 percent of global greenhouse gas emissions. By many estimates, cooking represents more of a meal’s carbon footprint than transport. For certain vegetables, it accounts for more emissions than agriculture, transport and disposal combined.
Fourth of July, the national celebration of combustion, presents an opportunity for atonement.
I’m not advising you to forsake grilling this holiday and join the ranks of raw-foodists. Nor do I believe that we can reverse climate change by eating burgers rare instead of well done. But a little creative thinking can reduce this year’s Fourth of July carbon emissions without gustatory sacrifice. And maybe that awareness will carry into other days and other parts of our lives.
Consider potato salad: a pale mixture of boiled potatoes and mayonnaise that is sometimes appetizing but always wasteful. An overwhelming majority of the energy in boiling goes into heating the water rather than cooking the potatoes.
Atonement? Potato salad is always wasteful? Oh, hell no.
Calculate your carbon footprint while eating the disastrous beef!
First, a green disclaimer. Beef is an environmental disaster, no matter how you cook it. However, if you can’t resist grilled cow, your big decision is between charcoal and propane.
Charcoal is made of wood, so the carbon it releases upon combustion is approximately equal to the carbon the tree it came from once removed from the atmosphere. In theory, charcoal should be less damaging than propane, which releases carbon that has been sequestered harmlessly underground for hundreds of millions of years.
The writer goes on and on, until near the end he remarks that there’s nothing very sacred about cooking out on the Fourth of July, so why not do something else?
Hey, what about those of us who are lucky enough to live in mild climes? We use the grill -propane!- year round! Know why? It saves electricity and is cheaper. Plus, the meat tastes better. Roll that up in your hemp shorts and smoke it along with those ‘carbon credits’ you’re paying AlGore for!
Man has always charred the flesh of animals over a fire, dammit.
2. July 2011 at 5:11 pm
Kill it and grill it.
2. July 2011 at 5:19 pm
That’s how we roll!
2. July 2011 at 6:19 pm
Fuck Mother Gaia. Charcoal this, bitch.
3. July 2011 at 7:22 am
I can tell you take grilling seriously, Dave. Or you have an aversion to sanctimonious assholes.
Either way…
2. July 2011 at 7:42 pm
We barbecue all year even though we live in the Frozen North. Must be our California upbringing. This article reminded me of an e-mail I had received on CO2 emissions. I stuck it in my “Head In The Sand” blog. Human beings are not the problem.
3. July 2011 at 7:26 am
I especially like this bit:
“The volcanic eruption in Iceland, since its first spewing of volcanic ash has, in just FOUR DAYS, NEGATED EVERY SINGLE EFFORT you have made in the past five years to control CO2 emissions on our planet – all of you.
Of course you know about this evil carbon dioxide that we are trying to suppress – it’s that vital chemical compound that every plant requires to live and grow, and to synthesize into oxygen for us humans, and all animal life.”
Love it! You grill year round… in Alaska? You’re my new hero!
3. July 2011 at 1:49 am
Oh, Hell. Am I going to have to load my mule ear double shotgun with the brass black powder buckshot shells to drive off the assholes from my cooking? Throw clouds of BP smoke as well as buckshot at their sorry asses?
Yanno, these clowns are betting an awful lot that we won’t get so pissed at their constant assaults that we just snap and pick up a shootin’ iron and go hunting. Of course, if anyone does, I’ll be in trouble. Like they were looking during the DC “Sniper” mess, I’m a white guy, mostly a loner and I drive a white van. Oh noes!
3. July 2011 at 7:31 am
They’re always profiling for ‘white males’ while denying they profile at all, and meanwhile the real perp continues on in anonymity.
And when they should profile… when they have good reason to do so… they instead pick on 95 year old women in wheelchairs.
That includes ANY and all federal agencies.
3. July 2011 at 7:48 am
Just another libtard trying to control the world. He can go back to eating grass and leave us meat-eaters alone.
3. July 2011 at 7:58 am
A good philosophy for all of us, Folly. Live and let live!
3. July 2011 at 8:53 am
Let’s all just eat berries and sit neked in the dirt. Oh wait, the berries might be covered in pesticides. Nevermind. Let’s just not eat.
3. July 2011 at 9:05 am
Let’s just die, then the planet would be happy! I can’t help but think that’s the end game for people like the article’s author.
5. July 2011 at 9:26 am
I can’t believe no one said this yet:
Grill, baby, grill!
5. July 2011 at 9:37 am
Love it!