Vitamin water isn’t

I knew it!

A judge has ruled that Vitaminwater is not healthy and cannot be marketed as such. In short, Coca-Cola has perpetrated mass consumer fraud. But isn’t that what marketing is all about?

A federal judge ruled this week that Vitaminwater will not, as its labels promise, keep you “healthy as a horse.” Nor will it bring about a “healthy state of physical or mental being”. Instead, Vitaminwater is really just a sugary snack food; non-carbonated fruit coke disguised as a sports drink. Because it’s composed mostly of sugar and not vitamin-laden water, judge John Gleeson held that Vitaminwater’s absurd marketing claims were likely to mislead consumers.

Coke tried to explain away claims like “vitamins + water = all you need” as “only puffery.” The judge disagreed.

The ruling rejected Coca Cola’s motion to dismiss a class action suit brought by the scrappy do-gooders at the Center for Science in the Interest. The case should now be clear for trial, although it could settle if Coke is willing to change Vitaminwater’s name to something less misleading.

The Consumerist

Puffery my ass.

The judge gets straight to the point:

“By including the suggestion that the product will “keep you healthy” or “help bring about a healthy state of physical and mental being” alongside such statements, the quoted language implies that the nutrient content of vitaminwater may help consumers maintain healthy dietary practices. I conclude, therefore, in light of the language and context in which they are used, that the statements on the “defense” and “B- Relaxed” labels constitute implied nutrient content claims which use the word “healthy.” Such claims are in violation of violation of FDA regulations because . . . vitaminwater achieves its nutritional content solely through fortification that violates FDA policy.”

I know people who drink this mess constantly, thinking it’s so much better for them than plain old water. I’ve been able to resist temptation because I actually read labels. Well, that… and if I want to drink water away from home I just fill a container before leaving to bring along. Too logical for Coke’s ultra hip marketing campaigns, eh?