How about one of these?

http://www.crystalair.com/stories/200803/200803007b.jpg

And I’ll just ignore the disclaimer. After all, you are in the path of a storm…

’nuff said.*

*Exotic ponies and other items exceeding $xx.xx limit excluded from offer. Please accept without obligation, express or implied, these best wishes for an environmentally safe, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, and gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday as practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice (but with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or for their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all) and further for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated onset of the generally accepted calendar year (including, but not limited to, the Christian calendar, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures). The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee(s).

Gift cards aren’t a terrible alternative, either. Many actually prefer them.

They will be lucky to get gift cards, in my opinion only my one niece deserves any gifts.

Scrooge will look like a wonderful person compared to me by the time Christmas rolls around this year.

And yeah, everyone’s getting wine and booze for their gifts! No surprise there.