Email Hell

Wed, Nov 25, 2009

stupidity

Aside from the political form letters from representatives I’ve threatened to tar and feather… with extreme prejudice… and sales flyers [who needs the paper anymore?] I love pretty much everyone who emails me. The real people.

BUT I will warn you now:

If I receive one more email that says ‘if you don’t send this to 10 people, including me, then you don’t love Jesus’ I’m going to scream. Into the receiver.

Too bad that the person who sent it to me did not know 10 people who would admit to knowing the Lord.

This emotional blackmail must stop!

While I’m at it, celebrating mediocrity as a goal is repugnant to me. Talk about programming yourself to accept your lot in life!!
Got this yesterday [and yes, I love you... just please stop sending me this dreck]:

I AM THANKFUL:

FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT’S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED .

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME .

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

What was the next step?? I’m grateful my husband beats me because it means I have a man in my life?

I’m grateful. I am worshipful and grateful to our Lord for each and every second of my life and everything in it… except these damned emails!

These two were my tipping point. Do they bother you or do you press the delete button without even looking at them?

27 Responses to “Email Hell”

  1. Quality Weenie Says:
    November 25th, 2009 at 10:30 am

    I have gotten to the point that what the title of the email is will tell me if I should open or just delete.

    I get those kind of emails all the time from family, they should know by now that their guilt attempts don’t work on me anymore

  2. wRitErsbLock Says:
    November 25th, 2009 at 11:01 am

    those are the only emails I ever receive from my mom. :no:
    i usually delete them unread

  3. mike Says:
    November 25th, 2009 at 11:57 am

    And I know who she is – in over 10 yrs we have not received a personal email from her I think

  4. Bitterroot Says:
    November 25th, 2009 at 12:22 pm

    I can’t STAND those things!

    I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE VOICES IN MY HEAD
    BECAUSE IT MEANS I’M NEVER ALONE.

    :tinfoil:

    But the ones I hate even more?

    “Help test this bogus piece of social engineering bullshit: Forward this email to 20 friends and Bill Gates will personally send you a check for $2.6 million and magic fairy dust and unicorns will start shooting out of your ass. IT REALLY WORKS! I know someone who shits unicorns all the time now all because he forwarded this email!!”

  5. patti Says:
    November 25th, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    delete. and most of these i get from my parents…

  6. Teresa Says:
    November 25th, 2009 at 1:54 pm

    Delete delete delete delete… it’s why the key was invented. :D

  7. Peter Says:
    November 25th, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    What was that about windows that need cleaning? I mean every once in a while I delete history and sometimes I run the virus scan but other than that, it’s easier to buy a new computer every few years.

    What?

  8. LeeAnn Says:
    November 25th, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    Most of the time I delete them unread, warned off by the lame subject line or the multiple FWD littering the front. I have a niece who is addicted to forwarding the most retarded, glurgy, “send this to ten friends who love kittens for Jesus” bullshit. I haven’t the heart to tell her I want to strangle her every time I get one.
    Someday I’ll just snap. Watch the news. ;)

  9. Erinyes Says:
    November 25th, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    I love pretty much everyone who emails me. The real people.

    I hope that includes me because ya didn’t respond to my comment below asking what your e-mail addy is cuz I done forgot it…

    Happy Thanksgiving!

  10. Mrs. Who Says:
    November 25th, 2009 at 5:54 pm

    Everybody’s pretty much said it, but I hate those emails, too. Mostly get them from my Mom and my sister. *sigh* But I think it’s their revenge for my not talking like a lady around them. Life’s too short to candy-coat misery.

    Heh.

  11. Erinyes Says:
    November 25th, 2009 at 9:27 pm

    you must be holding your acerbic tongue!

    What the FUCK is that supposed to mean???

    :hide:

  12. Erinyes Says:
    November 25th, 2009 at 9:27 pm

    :rofl:

  13. Da Goddess Says:
    November 26th, 2009 at 5:46 am

    ugh. that email in particular chaps my hide. like you said, the next step? yeah. seems like a logical progression and one that’s just wrong wrong wrong